Posted Tue, Jul 28, 2009 1:58 pm

I am a smart, responsible attractive woman with a great career & my own home & I can't seem to meet anyone yet when I'm out and about I see all these trashy, unattractive, people who are married & I just don't get it...I can't even get a date & these people have someone to spend the rest of their life with. I'm not necessarily looking to get married right now but one date would be nice & I haven’t had a date in over 5 years. What's your take on this? 

Confused nurse

Well confused nurse you obviously have everything going for you except a man, which I agree is totally unfair & puts you in the same boat as me.  I often feel the same way you do, I’ll go to the mall and see some guy with a mullet & missing teeth & he’s wearing a wedding ring & I get very confused.  I always step back & tell myself “dude, if that’s the type of guy you want to marry it would be an easy get but you want & deserve better”.  I also think about what type of woman would be content marrying someone like that & it certainly isn’t a woman like me...by like me I mean someone who takes some pride in their appearance & would never walk around in public missing teeth or with someone who is missing teeth, someone with self respect & self confidence. 

Now the difference between you & I is that I date fairly often but the guys usually turn out to be douche bags but like you said at least it’s a date which is something you aren’t getting.  I’m guessing that you aren’t really putting yourself out there; going out for drinks with your friends isn’t likely to lead to much these days.  Sure, I get picked up in bars sometimes but in all honestly 90% of my dates in the last few years have been from guys I’ve met online.  I’m busy & don’t have the time (or the single friends) to be going out 3 nights a week hoping to get a date…I prefer to sit in my pj’s & judge men soberly from the privacy of my own home! 

My favorite dating site is Okcupid.com & it’s free so I suggest that you check it out, you can also try plentyoffish.com & detroitdate.securesites.net which is “Your Dating Spot” a Detroit site which was started up by Fox 2, both are also free so I figure it can’t hurt to be on them all.  I’ve used all different types of online dating services & Okcupid is by far the best in my opinion.  eHarmony got me nowhere, they didn’t “match” me with one person who was actually a match in 6 months (even though I paid through the nose for the service) & call me conceited but I like to search my suitors first by face & worry about the compatibility second.  I also don’t like the fact that on eHarmony you just have to sit & wait & hope some magic robot finds you someone where on Okcupid you can message anyone you want, YOU can be proactive about YOUR love life.  You can also designate what type of relationship you are looking for & yes if you are just looking to get laid that is an option.  My biggest advice to online dating is keep your profile & photos current, I can’t stress that enough! 

If you are going to jump into the world of online dating I have some “rules” that I suggest you follow:

1. First of all, when you decide to meet the person be sure to get their full first & last name & Google them to see if they are a rapist or evangelist or something.
2. Meet them on your turf; at your favorite watering hole where everybody knows who you are, NEVER let them pick you up & never meet them at one of their faves or their house.
3. Make sure you give every piece of info you have on the date to one of your friends, the site you met them on, their screen name, their phone number, messenger name, name they gave you, the location & time of where you are meeting.  This may seem extreme but if you come up missing or worse at least someone will know who you were last with. 
4. I always suggest just grabbing a drink for a first meet…this way if you don’t like them you can slam that beer & bail, it’s much better than sitting with someone in silence for 2 hours while you eat.
5. Never sleep with a guy on the first date unless you don’t want to see him again.